THE ALBINO PYGMY AMPUTEE'S BIBLE
Bryan Matthew Dockens

Addressing the spiritual needs of a previously under-served segment of the Bible reading population, the Albino Pygmy Amputee's Bible was published this month by Satire Press.

Asked about public reception to the release of their latest niche edition of the Scriptures, Satire's spokesman Joe King commented, "Both of our newest customers are extremely satisfied!" Hugh Moore camped out overnight at the Bible- Mart in Springfield to be first to acquire the Albino Pygmy Amputee's Bible. Said Moore, "Finally, a Bible that really speaks to me! A Bible that answers the questions an Albino Pygmy Amputee has about God! A Bible that tells me I haven't been left out, that I am included in the Almighty's plan!"

Industry expert Les A. Musing notes the growing trend of specific audience targeted editions of God's Word, including the Bride's Bible, the Graduate's Bible, the Sportsman's Bible, the Sailor's Bible, the Caregiver's Bible, the Grandmother's Bible, and the Teen Girl's Bible, among many others, and says, "It was only a matter of time before the Albino Pygmy Amputee's Bible hit the market".

All the above, save most of the last sentence, is fiction - satire intended to highlight the absurdity of modern antics in the Bible publishing industry. There really are Bibles marketed specifically for brides, graduates, hunters and fishermen, military personnel, and so on. It might be financially profitable for publishers like Broadman Holman and Thomas Nelson to appeal to particular segments of society, but "all Scripture", already "given by inspiration of God", is "profitable" for a godly person to be "thoroughly equipped for every good work" (2nd Timothy 3:16-17). What was true thousands of years ago remains true now without styling the Word to allure to one demographic or another.

Scripture in its original form does not discriminate based on age, gender, marital status, preferred recreational activity, occupation, educational accomplishment, or social status. The word of God, in its simplicity, was always intended for "all nations" (Matthew 28:19), for "the world" (John 3:16), for "whoever" (John 3:16). "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).

Scripture already has broad market appeal straight from God.